In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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