my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
