No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
