So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize