Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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