dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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