you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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