All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
