You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
