You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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