no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
