I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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