Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
