she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
tonight lets celebrate not being married
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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