Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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