Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
