Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
