in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize