question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
