yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
