do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
