I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
