tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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