yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she smelled like a LAN party
Actions speak louder than pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
