My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
