He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
