my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
