Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
