I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
