i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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