margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
40s are totally the cure
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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