OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
