I just threw up on my dentist
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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