I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
