So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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