dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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