oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
