i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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