I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
