Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
