need another drink. this is the easiest way
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
