K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
