DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come share oat with me in your robe
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize