did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
