Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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