Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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