You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
