I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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