I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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