If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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