Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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