and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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