You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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