How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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