I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
