"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
