weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
