The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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