drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
