She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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