I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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