i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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