WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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